I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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