That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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