I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That accounts for only three of the penises
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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