jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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