I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
