youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
