made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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