sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
