Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
