Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I smell stomach acid.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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