i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
