Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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