I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
