He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
