I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
