i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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