I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
