I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize