Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
