please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
