why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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