my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
