He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
