do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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