overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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