I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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