He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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