don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
