She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
