she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
