We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
