Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
thus making me awesome and them whores
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
