yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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