Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
