with your own penis?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
