There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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