So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
