Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
