I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
