were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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