Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
