A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize