Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
