I bet he comes in French.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
