i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
