i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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