LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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