I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
