When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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