She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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