Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
