I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
