I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
