At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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