I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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