so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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