I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
