Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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