I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
