Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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