hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
