Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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