I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
