Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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