I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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