I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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