Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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