Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
