a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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