btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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