where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
