Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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