so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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