We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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