Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
