i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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