It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
