Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
