Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
