Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
