YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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