im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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