Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
