i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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